a year.

a memory popped up on my Facebook this morning. 1 year ago I posted this photo:

And it made a million things come to my mind. things about the last year that I've learned, that I've struggled through, that I've gained, uncovered, and loved. 

here are three things that sum up all those million thoughts.

1. words.

these words were carrying me through a quandary with the fact that my little brother had stage 4 cancer. anger. frustration. depression. defeat. upset. desperation. and yet. these words. oh how my heart needed them. I wrote them over and over and over for this little piece. this was before I had any fancy brush pens or idea of really what hand lettering was or could be. I just knew- I needed to write. and I needed these words. and together- I was proud of it. it was my offering of art. and I had enough courage to post it on social media! why?

because it was my whole heart. my struggle. my glimmer of hope and light. right there in black ink. 

words are it. they're the backbone to hand lettering. to everything that has come to be in the last year is because of words. words that moved me, that inspired me, that compelled me to the edge of light, and then a few steps into the unknown.. 

they made me brave. they healed my broken parts. again and again. they reached others, maybe even you. they turned into light and encouragement. they were messy and real and vulnerable. 

they were the magic. 

2. who am I?

a question I have asked myself too many times this year. who am I? who do I think I am? who am I to speak? to create? to think or dream? who am I?

I had a moment this year- where I saw clearly who I was. not through instagrams eyes or even my own eyes. but through Gods eyes.

it changed everything. 

we are his child. we are worth our own energy and effort. we have words to say. we have dreams to dream. we have art to create. and all of that? it is fearfully and wonderfully made, just like you and me.

we are art. we are enough. we are loved.

loved and known in ways I can't explain. but ways that are real, so real you can almost reach out and feel the denseness of it at times. 

who am I? I am Courtney Casper. and in between the lines, I'm loved.

and everything else fits in that space too.

3. offering. 

and underneath it all is this word. offer. give. lift where I stand. 

at some point I started letting go of all expectations. of all comparison. of all try hard and middle of the night hustle. I let go of fear and crippling self doubt. I just opened my arms- and released them all. 

and I let them go every single day. 

when I did- my whole purpose, everything I do or say or create turns into something entirely different.

they become an offering.

an offering of something pure and bigger than me.

of love.

of empathy.

of art.

of connection. 

of faith.

of hope.

of trying. trying when it's hard or dark or hopeless.

of linking arms in the process and the mess and the task of uncovering. 

not for a specific number or business strategy or demographic. just for whoever showed up. 

whoever! whenever!

and if that was one person- that was worth it. and it still is. 

on Sunday while sitting in church, the same little brother called me an hour after I had dropped him off at our tiny airport. he had a miraculous encounter while waiting for his flight that made our whole last year personally, come to a place of absolute peace. He is not fighting cancer full-time anymore, and we know that is a divine miracle. I cried tears of relief and joy and a love from god I can't explain. as I walked back into our church service- the whole congregation was singing this song that I had lettered a year ago. "How Firm a Foundation."

"in every condition, in sickness in health

in poverty's vale or abounding in wealth.

at home or abroad on land or at sea,

as thy days may demand, 

so thy succor shall be."

a lot can happen in a year and heres my two cents if you're wanting to transform where you are to where you really want to be: 

write your words.

know who you are.

and offer it freely.

and everything else will fill in the gaps.