Can I talk about the mess that is the middle of point a and point z? Not point b. POINT Z. Point a can be learning something new (hand lettering?!) or a dream you have or making wrongs right or raising a slew of children or INSERT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. Because that’s just reality. We all wake up, and we’ve got stuff going on. We have roles to fill, callings to do, ambitions to chase, relationships to feed, laundry to fold. (Always more laundry to fold..) and then we have even bigger stuff like 401k’s to grow and long term goals to achieve. We have college funds to save and babies to raise. and it never ends. Because I watch my mom anxiously await the next time she gets to hug her grandaugthers. And I have watched my husbands grandmother wait the last few weeks before reuniting with her husband in the next life… and those last few weeks were hard for her. Really hard.
so. then. We’re all in the messy middle of point a and point z. We can look at that on a daily scale (breakfast to bedtime story) or on a life size scale (birth to death). A yearly scale (learning the basics of lettering to x, y, & z..)
But the fact is.
The middle is hard and it takes some grit and grace to move through. Not “get” through, because it we’re just getting through.. we’re missing the magic that that middle can create. If we’re moving through them with grit and grace, we’re learning. And stretching. And growing. And laughing. And loving. We’re praying. And following the inspiration. We’re making mistakes, and getting back up after them. We’re trying. Again and again and again.
without grit and grace, I am just putting my head down and powering through. Forcing things to happen. Shrugging off inspiration. Letting self doubt bully me around. Letting all the little mean voices in my head tell me what I can do (or can’t do). “Getting” through the middles is late nights stressing about what others think of me. Frustrating moments of comparison and painful realizations that “I don’t matter”. It’s letting one off handed comment make me feel like running in the opposite direction like it spelled out truth about me!
i mean, we’re going to be in the mess. Because that’s life. And I’m learning more and more every day that the mess can actually be a really cool place to be. Why?
Because with all the grit and stretching and sometimes confusing moments of what point G is supposed to be or look like, it truly is where I feel the most useful, the most artistic, and the most grace. In every aspect! In my mothering. In my lettering. In my callings, ambitions, and goals. Because with every step I’m creating. I’m risking. I’m learning. And not just learning a new skill, I’m learning things about myself. The really important parts of me that I would have never knew were there had I not first taken a step into the scary unknown. The messy middle of… business. lettering. marriage. motherhood. friendship. fellowship. worship.
Where are you? Point A? Point G?
Chances are, you’re shoulder deep in the middle of where you were, and where you want to be.
And I know what it feels like to want over there really, really bad. To feel like it’s just out of reach and at the same time like it’ll never happen.
But I’m learning something right here where I am, and that’s the more I stop resisting the mess, the mess starts to feel like a paint brush heavy with ink. (Maybe even black) it’s messy. And at first, it kind of makes me panic. Like “I’m never getting this off..” (Insert: I’ll never be able to raise confident girls if I keep losing my patience like this. OR: if they say I can’t do it, then I can’t do it…OR: if I don’t feel God in my life this second I never will again…) when it splatters. But then… grace steps in. With grace I’m ready to give it some grit. And just keep moving. More splatters. More grace. More grit. More mess. More art. More stretching. More learning. One step. And another. not giving “Self Doubt” power. Not giving “rush” any leverage. Not letting anything make me see the pretty ink splatters as a suffocating mess that I’ll never get out….
The middle is messy.
it’s where we are.
what are you going to see? Art, grace & grit? Or just a mess?
Today, I debated seeing a mess. it was tempting. It seemed like the only option for a second…
Today, I’m going to let grace step in. And then tomorrow I’ll make some grit happen.
and overall, I’ll let the ink splatters be art. Because I say it is.