Living out in the country offers ample amounts of silence. Nights out here on our hilltop are so quiet and so dark the moon shines in my bedroom window like a spotlight, stars laced into the Milky Way, I swear I can see every one.
I have never been good at silence.
The last few years, I’ve especially sprinted through every day at a deafening loud volume. From before the sun was up to after it went to bed, I ran and ran and ran.
Inside, my heart pounding and searching. My mind creating and recreating. Juggling a hundred different things, all important to me, all pressing and demanding and inspiring and they all required me.
Have you ever been there? In that place, that season, that windows down music loud 100 mph race towards….
I’m fessing up, here and now.
I’ve been going too fast.
My inner ear drums are bursting.
i’m learning the hard way, as I usually do, I need silence. I need an inner stillness that tethers me to what matters.
I know this season is making room for another. I can feel the winds swirling around my feet. And in the process of unclenching my fists to the present, I’ve found the only place I can truly do that is in the quiet. no, in the silence.
Silence and stillness within in my own mind, my own heart.
The other morning, I was practicing silence, by doing just that. Sitting on the couch right before dawn, with no music on, no phone within reach, no people, no emails, no podcasts, no books, no work, no laundry, no lists.
Just me. And the couch. And the thoughts inside my own brain. The feelings in my own gut. The heartbeat inside my tired body.
You know what I heard?
I heard God.
I heard love.
I heard assurance.
I heard answers.
I heard never failing and never giving up.
I heard purpose.
I heard priorities.
I heard loud and clear, everything that I needed to hear.
I know you are bombarded with noise. Noise in your real life, lives. Noise online. Noise that is fun and entertaining. Noise that is addicting and numbing.
Some noise is required. Noise isn’t the evil bad guy in your life. Not social media, not others, not email or laundry or angry little people. Not struggle. Not the weather or circumstances outside of your control.
The bad guy is the blind eye we turn to that inner noise.
And I’m telling you this: finding silence, intentionally carving out time and space for it’s healing and rejuvenating magic powers, is worth the effort. It’s worth not just turning the volume down on life, but shutting it off once in awhile.
Throughout the scriptures I’ve always been drawn to how different people pray. I have my own complicated past with prayer, and am always learning the art of true connection with God for myself.
One common aspect of prayer in the scriptures is the pray-er heading to a mountain top to raise up their alms.
Jesus himself snuck away to mountain tops to converse with his father many times.
Does this mean that we can only find silence in the mountains, or perhaps only at the tippy top of a mountain?
Perhaps they’re living circumstances allowed for sneaking away to the nearest mountain often to pray. Perhaps they found silence easier, without the constant iv drip of background noise we grow ever used to being tethered to.
Either way, I don’t think we have to plan a backpacking trip to create just as spiritual of an experience embracing silence in our lives on a daily basis.
I am coming to believe silence can be found, IF WE CHOOSE TO CREATE IT, right where we stand.
In this messy place, this unknowing place, this fearful place, this twisted upside down place. This place of motherhood and marriage. This place of dreams and ambition and even the occasional marathon and juggling act.
And this is great, you’ve made it this far into my inner thoughts, but NOW WHAT?
I’ll tell you what now: you find the inner stillness in the absolute silence.
So, make it happen.
You have power over your own life. You really do.
Turn off your phone, tuck your babies into bed, finish the dishes, kiss your husband, and sneak away to your closet, or the coat closet, or the back porch, or your car in the garage.