in my search for patience this year.. I'm discovering a deep desire to not just develop more of knee-jerk-reaction of patience in every circumstance, but to keep my hands & heart OPEN through that process as well.
As people, we have a natural instinct to avoid pain.
All kinds of pain.
We wear seat belts, sunscreen, and helmets. We take our vitamins. We wear jackets and boots and gloves. We set our thermostats and sleep with comforters. We spend so much of our lives avoiding, protecting, and steering clear of discomfort and pain.
& so, when it comes to practicing patience during a difficult circumstance, it's tempting to choose yes... kind of. I'll be patient, I'll keep sitting here and enduring here, but I'm going to scroll through a lot of Instagram in the meantime. I'm going to numb out and avoid the discomfort. I'm going to perfect my distractions for this very scenario. Patient? Sure. But not open. Not humble. Not changing. Not learning. Not growing.
I was driving home from town last week, hands gripped tight on my steering wheel, baby asleep in the backseat, I hadn't allowed myself to sit in silence for days. Instead, filling every minute with dumb Netflix shows and socials and cleaning schedules and activities. Distract. Deflect. Forget. Shut down. Move fast.
But in the quiet car, I heard the small pull from heaven to just sit there a moment.
just be there a moment.
Just feel, for a moment.
and I cried.
I felt horrible! I felt sad! I felt angry! upset! confused! more anger! more sadness!
and then I felt peace.
It made no sense.
But that's how it works.
That's what choosing YES to it ALL with a brave and open heart does.
It breaks down all logic and opens the doors wide open for peace like you've never known in even the fiercest storm.
Patience is one thing, bravely choosing yes to pain and discomfort and feelings that push angry and hurt tears out of tired and sad eyes ruins us in the most transformative and beautiful ways.
Ruin is a gift.
Allowing ourselves to give into ruin, even for a moment, allows God to transform us in love & tenderness.
May we bravely open our heart in a yes to it all, no matter what.
YOU ARE LOVED.