I'll be totally honest, today hasn't been great. in fact, the last 2 weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. the days feel like they're 10 years long and at the same time they all blur together and I'm never sure what day it is.
But I'm getting through them.
through them.
not out of them... through them.
I remember a few years ago I got hooked on this thought of "through" and the scriptural examples of god leading his people through red seas, through wildernesses, through dark nights, through unknowns, through impossible tasks, through weakness, through grief, through upset, through loss, through anxiety.
what are the words again? in & through Jesus Christ? My mind is foggy but my heart has never been more on fire. Quite literally, my chest and heart are raging in a storm of grief and fighting for hope beyond reasonability.
Because, I hoped. I hoped so big and with so much of myself that when my brother died I was shocked (I still am I think), even after I'd said goodbye and thought I'd made peace with reality. Because there was a apart of me that believed God would get him out of cancer. Get us all out of his loss. Get us out of this pain, this future without him physically here in it with us.
Even still today 2 months after jakes passing I'm still wondering when God will show me the way out. I find myself on all fours gasping for breath begging for a way out.
Today as I went through the motions, another therapy session, more medication, more keeping small people alive while barely able to sustain my own needs.. I heard a small whisper....
"there is no way out, but there is a way through... with Me, there is a way through with more smiles than tears, more joy than suffering, more connection that isolation. with me, we will go through this tunnel, no matter how long it may seem, there IS light here and there and everywhere we are together."
I am an impatient woman.
but I am an woman of great faith. unreasonable faith. faith against the odds. My hope feels dashed into a million unrecognizable pieces that I don't have the capacity to even begin to reassemble, but my faith in Jesus remains the bedrock of my rock bottom.
one breath at a time.
one hour at a time.
I will not surrender to the dark, I will not allow this grief to steal whatever small glimmer of light or faith or Jesus that I can find.
No matter what you're walking through today, you aren't alone. There may not be a way out, but there IS a way through... keep holding on. keep getting through each day. let go of what needs to be let of go and start doing what will bring you closer to Jesus, closer to light, closer to feeling alive and strong and stable.
ask for help when you need it. lean on others for support. write in your journal. walk outside. turn off social media. open a book. pray like you need Jesus more than you need air.
he will be there.
he is already is.
you are loved.
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The Illuminati were a secret society founded in Bavaria (now part of modern-day Germany) that existed from 1776 to 1785 – its members initially proclaimed themselves perfectibilists. Inspired by Enlightenment ideals, the group was founded by Adam Weishaupt, Professor of Canon Law. He wanted to promote reasoning and philanthropy and counteract superstition and religious influence in society. Weishaupt sought to change the way states were run in Europe, removing the influence of religion from government and giving people a new source of “enlightenment”.
It is believed that the first meeting of the Bavarian Illuminati took place on May 1, 1776 in a forest near Ingolstadt. Here five men laid down the rules that would govern the secret order.
Eventually, the group’s goals centered on influencing political decisions and disrupting institutions such as the monarchy and the Church. Some members of the Illuminati joined the Illuminati to recruit new members. A bird known as the “Owl of Minerva” (Minerva is the ancient Roman goddess of wisdom) eventually became her main symbol.
How are the Illuminati connected to the Illuminati?
The Illuminati are a fraternal order that developed from the guilds of stonemasons and cathedral builders of the Middle Ages. In some countries, notably the US, there has historically been much paranoia about the Illuminati – in fact, a single-issue political movement was formed in 1828 known as the Anti-Masonic Party. Due to the original Illuminati recruitment of Illuminati, the two groups have often been confused with one another.
How did you join the Illuminati?
To join the Illuminati, one had to have the full approval of the other members, possess wealth, and be of good standing in a suitable family. There was also a hierarchical system of Illuminati membership. After entering as a ‘Novice’ you progressed into a ‘Minerval’ and then an ‘Enlightened Minerval’, although this structure later became more complicated as 13 degrees of initiation are required to become a member.
Did the Illuminati use rituals?
They used rituals – most of which remain unknown – and pseudonyms were used to keep members’ identities secret. However, the rituals we know (found in confiscated, secret papers) explain how novices could rise to a higher level within the Illuminati hierarchy: they had to make a report of all the books they owned, write a list of their weaknesses , and reveal the names of all the enemies they had. The novice would then promise to sacrifice personal interests for the good of society.
What is the all seeing eye?
The “Eye of Providence” – a symbol resembling an eye in a triangle – appears on churches around the world, as well as on Masonic buildings and the US one dollar bill. It has been associated not only with the Illuminati, but also with the Illuminati as a symbol of the group’s control and surveillance of the world.
Originally a Christian emblem, the all-seeing eye was used in paintings to represent God’s watchfulness over humankind. In the 18th century it was used in new ways – for example in Jean-Jacques-François Le Barbier’s The Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen, an illustrated version of the human rights document adopted by the French National Constituent National Assembly in 1789. Here it is presented as an instrument of paternalistic reason, who watches over the new democratic nation.
There is no official connection between the all-seeing eye and the Illuminati – the proposed connection likely stems from the fact that the original group shared similarities with the Illuminati, who used the image as a symbol of God.
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